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“This is where I wanna be from...”

In 2012, I moved to Seattle, Washington from my home in Massachusetts. I didn’t know how long I would stay or what the future would hold, but there was something that I couldn’t quite explain that was luring me out west.  And what I found here was something I had never experienced. The natural beauty; the adventurous spirit of the people; the diverse musical community.

Yet, six years later, I still grapple with this decision and wonder if what I sacrificed and left behind -- family, friends, a sense of safety -- has been worth what I have gained: personal growth, self-reflection, artistic maturity.  It has fed into the anxiety I have experienced over the last few years and it has made me wonder whether or not this place will ever truly feel like home.

What do you do when you are caught between two visions of your life? How do you choose one over the other?


I stay up late in Washington
After the purple evening fades and the colors run
And I try to believe in what is done is done
But it’ll take some time

She calls me her king, but I wear no crown
Just this old black t-shirt and a worried frown
I promise her I won’t keep bringing her down
But it’ll take some time

I remember my old friends
And the bands we used to play in
And how the days they just went on and on and on

So I write to my mother
And I tell her how much I love her
And I say “Ma, I’m so grateful
For all the times you held me in your arms.”
Now that they are gone

Now I go out in Washington
Where the dark pines sway and the silver waters run
And I remember this is where I wanna be from
But it’ll take some time

So I do some thinking
And I try to keep from drinking
And they days they just go on and on and on

So I call my father
And he says, “Son, what’s the bother?”
And I say, “I’m just so grateful
For all the times you held me in your arms.
And I can’t believe they’re gone.”

Washington (Live From A Tunnel) 📼

Video by Tos Fackenthall

Photo by Sarah Kathryn Wainwright

Photo by Sarah Kathryn Wainwright


“I think we’ve got a crisis of loneliness in the country and we’re not paying attention to the degree to which social media is telling people it will replace real human friendships. But it wont! It can supplement them but it can’t fix loneliness. The average American had 3.4 friends in 1990, the average American now has 1.8 friends -- a halving of deep relationships. Forty per cent of American adults have no confidants, no one that they confide in about something intimately important.”

- U.S. Senator Ben Sasse    


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